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After multiple phone calls to the school counselor and even the dean, I decided to return and try to go back to school.After all, this has been my lifelong dream and at 31, I’m not getting any younger. But the truth is he made me the happiest I’ve ever been. Looking back, I feel like there were little signs that should have been red flags: -I swear I saw him looking at personals on Craigslist but I didn’t say anything -He had no boundaries with people.J was on his i Phone (the thing was GLUED to his hand at all times) and I noticed he quickly turned off the screen. And there was NO reason for me to suspect anything at all.But for some reason, the next morning I went into his email account.How could this have been going on our entire relationship? There was always some explanation — they were a girl in his class (he is studying to be a NP), a girl he worked with, someone he met who wanted to be a nurse… We didn’t have sex for 2 weeks before or after our wedding, including the wedding night.But again, there was always an excuse — anti-depressants, he’s tired from work, he has trouble with libido, etc. I do not blame myself because I know no one should have to police or monitor their significant other. I wish there was a fast forward button so I could see what’s going to happen and I can start down that path right now. J texts and emails me at least once a day saying how sorry he is, how he has been to a therapist and attended SA meetings.

In Arabic, Sabirah means patient and Najwa means confidential talk, secret conversation. I will say only at this point that normal cliched conventions of BDSM and Fetishism bore me. Always fiction of course, despite the level of realism applied and levels of inspiration gained from real-life. Some less open minded individuals could apply the label s probably once only in a Sadist's lifetime that her ideal 'subject' will come along. Then there was her sense of style, and dress which quite simply flattered her elegance to the extreme. This time siting opposite her was her most trusted, longest standing friend and confidante Victoria.I met J a little over 2 years ago at a local hospital; he was a nurse and I was a volunteer on the weekends.For months, we talked and flirted and eventually he asked me out.I went to my parent’s house and cried, puked, and cried some more.How could something so perfect be so horribly f*cked up?

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